Letters from the Ruins, Mercy for Every Wounded Heart, Alex Parkview, author
Because of the nature of this book, I stopped whatever else I was reading to begin it. It is filled with raw emotion, and although I found the message somewhat heartbreaking, I also found it inspiring. It is a message that speaks to the courage needed to deal with the injury, pain, loss, grief and memories surrounding the effort to crawl back from the pit into which soldiers are thrown, forced to do unspeakable things for what is known as the greater good in war and peace. Above all, it seems to speak to “everyman”, and not only the veteran who grieves and is wounded from trauma, often not of their own making. In the simplest of terms, the author seems to be begging the world and G-d to light the way for those who are suffering from the trauma of their service, to offer them a pathway to find the forgiveness they seek for their perceived sins, rather than the justification, and then to help them to find their way back home without expecting them to ignore the reality they lived through. Excusing their shame does not erase it from their consciences. What they need is real compassion, earnest commiseration, and a belief in something larger than themselves that can help to heal their wounds.
Alex Parkman has written unmailed letters to his fellow sufferers, to his family, to those who haven’t found release, who haven’t found a place of peace, who haven’t found the ear that hears their silent cries. He offers his ear and his embrace. He does not offer to wipe the slate clean; he simply offers and encourages a way forward.
I am not a veteran, but I have met some of them who were never able to walk back from the darkness of their service into the light of their future. Parkman would like to inspire all those with unhealed wounds to take baby steps, to never give up, to keep on trying to move forward, even when they look back into their past. The past will always be present for them. I believe that whether the trauma is from the experiences of war or of the horror of 9/11, or just someone who has experienced other trauma that fills them with pain and/or guilt, this is a book that attempts to guide them out of their darkness into the light. This book accepts G-d’s power and G-d’s frailties, and although it is Christian in nature, I believe, that regardless of what G-d you worship, believing in something greater than yourself that can love and guide you, that can offer you the support and forgiveness you need for the shame and guilt you feel, regardless of whether or not others think it is shameful, is of the utmost importance and is possible for those who seek it. There is something out there that is willing to guide you, something that loves you with all of your warts and foibles, something with the power to embrace you and enfold you to bring you back into the sanctuary and out of the maelstrom you have created for yourself. You don’t have to hide your feelings and your memories, your deeds, and your sins. Don’t give up, because there is a safe place waiting for you; there is someone listening, no matter how silently, to your cries for help.
Although the message is definitely Christian in spirit, and I am not a Christian, I found the words inspiring, even as I divorced them from any particular religion in my mind. Just believing in a higher authority is enough for any reader to gain something from this little book. What you see in the mirror when you have the courage to look is not a damaged soul that is irredeemable. It is a victim that doesn’t have to remain one. It is important to try to walk through that mirror to find your true image on the other side, the image that is more complete, that is not only wounded. It is possible to find that self that is able to love and be loved. Each veteran is bigger than their memories and their pain; they will just be in their proper place where they can do no more harm. They may peek out occasionally but know that you can be forgiven for the sins you perceive you have committed; they were committed under the auspices of the greater good. There is a merciful being waiting to forgive and embrace you without pretending your past did not exist.
You cannot erase what happened, what you lived through, but you can find a way to draw happier scenes into the picture of your future, a picture not of a damaged soldier because of the horrors you have witnessed or even perhaps committed, but a picture of the person you truly are, one with a good heart and a kind soul, as well. These letters are written to the men and women who served and still have questions about why they were put through this wringer, how they can ever be forgiven, how they can become whole again without the stain on their character subsuming all else, how they can ever look in the mirror again without cringing in shame. These are letters that were never mailed, letters that dwell and come from the deepest corners of the author’s soul, and the corners of his heart. Because of the nature of the book, there is sometimes repetition, but only to reinforce the message that one is loved regardless of his/her perceived faults and failings, real or imaginary.
Forgiveness is achievable, so don’t give up. Confession is good for the soul; you don’t have to hide your pain shut away in a corner of your mind. There is a greater purpose waiting for you and a greater G-d that rather than judging your past, would like to guide you into your future. The door is always open so you can walk through it. As I have told my own family, don’t paint yourself into a corner; leave yourself a graceful way out and walk out into the sunshine.