When the Cranes Fly South, Lisa Ridzén, author; Alice Menzies - translator (Author); Ifan Huw Dafydd, narrator
Do not let the subject of this book deter you from reading it. It is appropriate for the elderly facing the end of life and for the young dealing with those facing it. We all, ultimately, have a due date. It is not an easy read because it is about a subject that few of us look forward to, but it is an inevitability for all of us. The story is so touching, so intuitive, so insightful, and written so expertly, it would be a shame for any reader to pass it by. It is both mournful and uplifting. It is a worthwhile and impactful read.
This is a book about dealing with the end of life, dealing with regrets, a lack of dignity and a slow loss of independence, but, it is also about forgiveness, kindness, remembering the hours of joy and contentment, the achievements, the warm relationships, the love and the loyalty of those who return our love without needing any fanfare or even acknowledgement. It is about friendship. It is also about something else. It is about secrets that we might take with us. If there are things we want someone to know, it is important to tell them before we “shuffle off this mortal coil”, in the words of Shakespeare. There are no second chances afterwards. We do not have to leave this life with regrets. If there is anything unsaid that we wish we had revealed, by all means, we should say it beforehand.
Bo knew he was at the end of his life. His wife, whom he loved dearly and missed daily, was already in a facility for the memory impaired. She was no longer the Fredrika he had married and she did not really know who he was, either. Bo’s son Hans was micromanaging him and Bo was becoming resentful. He wanted to die with dignity and a sense of peace, but also with his independence intact. He had enjoyed his life, but now at 88 years old, with failing health, the writing was on the wall. Bo still lived in the same home he once shared with his wife and son, but his son was badgering him about needing more help. Also, he didn’t think Bo was capable of continuing to care for his beloved and faithful dog, Sixten. Slowly, Bo was being forced to recognize his own frailties and to appreciate his son’s efforts.
Hans hired caregivers to take care of his father’s needs. While they were caring for his mental and physical well-being, they were also monitoring it. They were documenting his slow and inevitable decline. Bo suffered from severe arthritis and heart disease. Both influenced not only his ability to get around, but also his stamina and ability to breathe comfortably. He was steadily growing more and more tired. He was forced to accept all of the ways that things were being subtracted from his life. He was, however, unwilling to give up Sixten, his Elkhound that had become his only friend. When Hans took him away, Bo was not able to accept the betrayal. This additional loss in his life made Bo turn introspective.
Bo soon began, through his thoughts and dreams, to examine his past and to consider his future. He was determined to mend his ways to try and repair some of the damage he might have inadvertently caused. He was not a communicative man, was quick to anger and had a short temper; he sometimes had not controlled it well enough. He wanted his son to understand how proud he and Fredrika were of him and how much they really loved him.
In the book, we sometimes see Bo’s futility in fighting the aging process, but we also see the rewards that came from his having lived a long life. He had a loving granddaughter, Eleanor, a devoted and loyal son who was helping to maintain both of their relationships with Fredrika, taking him to visit her in the facility, and the carers Hans hired were gentle and kind as they attended to his needs. They did not shame him because of the indignities he must suffer. Bo began to realize that there was a time when fighting for one’s independence became useless, but maintaining one’s identity and dignity did not. He began to quietly give in to the ministrations he needed. He also tried to put a voice to his feelings, something he had always found difficult. When his friend died suddenly, Bo realized that there were lots of secrets that his friend had never shared with him and he was determined not to leave this world with things unsaid. He didn’t want to have regrets.
Being 88, is not the same for everyone, but 88 is very old. While it is not necessarily an immediate death sentence, it is definitely a sign that one’s expiration date is fast approaching, and thus, it is a time to review one’s life while one can and to adjust to life as it is developing, making repairs to relationships wherever necessary and willingly suffering the consequences of developing new needs.
Through his dreams, reflection and memories, Bo examines his life. He begins to recognize his faults and wants to address them. He begins to accept his own decline, and as he comes to grips with his life and mistakes, he also finds it is possible to forgive others for theirs. He grows more serene. When his end comes, he wants it to be peaceful. He wants to be content. Did he accomplish that goal? Could any of us do the same?