Introduction

2025 Golden Crown Literary Awards Winner in General Non-Fiction
2024 Sarton Women’s Book Award Winner in Memoir

“A powerful consideration of the tension between personal integrity and serving one’s country.” --Kirkus Reviews, starred review

Karen Solt, an eighteen-year-old nonconformist with an alcohol problem, is working at a gas station when a slick Navy recruiter railroads her into enlisting in the military. Before she knows it, she is on a ship in the Deep South, struggling to navigate not only a world much different from her small Northern Arizona hometown but also her new discovery: she’s gay.

Figuring out her sexuality clarifies many things, but also creates a daunting new set of problems, for Karen. It’s 1984: being gay in the Navy is considered a crime, and gay Sailors are regularly hunted by the Navy Criminal Investigative Service. Discovery means being kicked out, and by this point she is committed to the uniform (and to remaining with her first girlfriend, who is also enlisted). So she learns to hide her secret and find a way to serve—and even thrive professionally—without getting caught. But concealing her truth ultimately leads to devastating consequences.

A story of desire, addiction, the damage of secrets, the power of community, and the soul-crushing cost of turning people into “others,” Hiding for my Life is a celebration of the resilience of the human spirit—and a poignant call for each of us to come out from hiding and live our truth.

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Excerpt

Witch Hunts

The U.S. military had policies prohibiting homosexuals from serving starting at the beginning of World War II. In 1984, the Department of Defense’s policy on homosexuality stated: “Homosexuality is incompatible with military service. The presence in the military environment of persons who engage in homosexual conduct or who, by their statements, demonstrate a propensity to engage in homosexual conduct, seriously impairs the accomplishment of the military mission. The presence of such members adversely affects the ability of the Military Services to maintain discipline, good order, and morale; to foster mutual trust and confidence among service members; to ensure the integrity of the system of rank and command; to facilitate assignment and worldwide deployment of service members who frequently must live and work under close conditions affording minimal privacy; to recruit and retain members of the Military Services; to maintain public acceptability of military service; and to prevent breaches of security.” Also, according to DOD, a homosexual is “a person, regardless of sex, who engages in, desires to engage in, or intends to engage in homosexual acts.”

With the policies written in their favor, the military used all means at their disposal to eliminate us from its ranks. Approximately 1,500 homosexuals were annually expelled from military service between 1980 and 1990, and of the different branches within the military, the Navy had the highest rate of discharge—51 percent. For the Navy specifically, the Naval Criminal Investigative Service (NCIS) was the arm of the law. I don’t know what they called their method.

We called it “witch hunts.”

NCIS was notorious for calling one of us in and then intimidating that person into naming others. One interrogation could lead to many gay service members being found guilty and processed for separation. Their coercion was so fierce that friends turned in friends and partners even turned in their lovers. If NCIS was successful, and I never heard of one instance where a person walked away unscathed, the Navy would administratively separate gay service members with a “general” discharge. The administrative separation process is a streamlined and cost-effective way to discharge sailors for a variety of reasons, including failing fitness standards, a pattern of misconduct, or even drug abuse. Gay enlisted sailors would be administratively separated for “homosexual conduct” and officers would be separated for “conduct unbecoming,” all of which would be noted on their DD-214, a form that every service member gets when separating from active duty.

Civilian employers ask veterans for their DD-214, so I knew I didn’t want a general discharge with homosexual conduct on mine; it would stay with me and affect future employment opportunities from that point forward. Essentially, that form would “out” me to the world, whether I wanted to be outed or not.

From the moment I knew I was gay, everything changed. Mostly for the better, as it was a relief to know why I’d always felt so different from others. But while homophobia certainly wasn’t new and the Navy wasn’t the only place where I had to watch my back, the stigma and discrimination against the gay community were things I would have to adapt to. There wasn’t a place where I didn’t have to watch my back, and the added threat of my lifestyle being considered a crime in the Navy made the stakes that much higher. view abbreviated excerpt only...

Discussion Questions

From the author:

1. Did this memoir connect you to the ways and the reasons you have had to hide (or still hide) in your own life and, if so, how?

2. Have your opinions about LGBTQ+ people voluntarily serving America in the military changed in any way?

3. Was there one specific character that you identified with and why?

4. How did you like the author’s writing style and the pacing of the book?

5. How did you feel about the Navy, shipboard life, and other personal scenes since the majority of the memoir was written in first person, present tense?

6. Did you feel satisfied with the ending and where the author finds herself today?

7. If you had to sum up this memoir in one word, what would it be?

8. If you could ask the author one question, what would it be?

Weblinks

»	Hideology website
»	CNN Profile of the author
»	Storycircle award winner
»	Author Profile in Kirkus Review

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