Introduction

If your mom is dead, is she still your mom? At twenty-five—nearly two decades after losing her mother to breast cancer as a little girl—an accident on a downtown street unleashes startling emotional reactions in Peg Conway, and this question starts to percolate. She comes to understand what she’s experiencing as long-buried childhood grief, and as she marries and becomes a mother herself, Peg’s intense feelings challenge her to offer herself compassion. Gradually she confronts how growing up surrounded by silence in a family that moved on from sorrow had caused her to suppress her mother’s memory for far too long. Ultimately, after excavating all the layers, Peg finds her mom again, and in the process discovers that truth, no matter how painful, heals.

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Discussion Questions

From the author:

1. The long-term, lifelong nature of grief is a central theme in the book. To what extent do you relate to that idea? How has it manifested in your life?

2. How does children’s grief differ from adults? What are the most important needs of grieving children?

3. Discuss the theme of finding one’s story as presented in this narrative. What is the connection between the story we tell about ourselves and our identity?

4. The author struggles to accept the wounded parts of herself. How does she offer herself compassion?

5. Are objects and heirlooms of the past important to you? Why or why not? If yes, describe one of them. What story does it tell?

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