Introduction

NYT Bestseller

Ever meet a hot billionaire while your hand’s in a toilet in the men’s room of one of his stores? No? So it really is just me. Hm. When you’re a mystery shopper, you get paid to humiliate yourself, all in the name of improving customer service. Romance isn’t in my job description. But the day I met Declan McCormick it was love at first flush. Until I nearly castrated him with my EpiPen. How Hot Guy and Toilet Girl became an item involves my crazy mom, a trip to the ER, my homicidal cat, my fake wife, and true love. Don’t look at me like that. I’m just doing my job. I’m shopping for a billionaire.

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Excerpt

Chapter One

I am eating my ninth cinnamon raisin bagel with maple horseradish cream cheese and hazelnut chocolate spread.

Don’t judge me.

It’s my job to eat this.

It’s a Monday morning, 9:13 a.m. on the dot, and the counter person, Mark J., takes

exactly seventeen seconds to acknowledge my presence. He then offers to upsell my small mocha latte, which I decline nicely, and within seventy-three seconds my cinnamon raisin bagel with maple horseradish cream cheese and hazelnut chocolate spread is in my hands, toasted and warm.

I pay my $10.22 with a $20 bill and he counts back my change properly, hands me a receipt and points out the survey I can complete for a chance to win a $100 gift card to this chain restaurant.

Survey? Buddy, I’m surveying you right now.

No, I don’t have obsessive-compulsive disorder, though it helps in my line of work. I am not a private detective, and I don’t have an unhealthy stalker thing for Mark J., who loses points for ringing up a customer, touching cash, and not washing his hands before touching the next person’s bagel.

I cringe at mine.

I’m a secret shopper. Mystery shopper. Or as the clerks and managers in the stores where I pretend to be a regular shopper call me: Evil Personified.

That’s Ms. Evil Personified to you, buddy.

It really is my job to sit here on a sunny Monday morning, in my ninth chain store, buying the same exact meal over and over again, sipping each mocha latte and sliding a thermometer in the hot liquid to make certain the temperature is between 170 and 180 degrees Fahrenheit.

You try doing that without making people think you are that one weird customer, the one who talks to aliens through the metal shake cans, or who brings her teacup Chihuahua in to share a grilled cheese and lets the dog lick the plate clean.

I’m just as weird, except I’m getting paid to do it.

My best friend and coworker, Amanda, created a little thermometer that looks just like a coffee stirrer. I slip it in through the lid and in sixty seconds—voila!

One hundred seventy-four degrees. I reach for my phone and pretend to send a text. I’m really opening my shopper’s evaluation app, to type in all the answers to the 128 questions that must be properly answered.

I enter my name (Shannon Jacoby), today’s date, the store location, whether the front trashcan was clean (it was), whether the front mats were clean (they were), the name of the clerk who waited on me (Mark J.), and pretty much every question you could imagine short of my favorite sexual position (none of your business) and the first date of my last period (who cares? It’s not like I could possibly be pregnant. Maybe the cobwebs are in the way...).

Did I mention this is my ninth store of the day? I started at 5:30 a.m. I’m very, very questioned and cinnamoned out. One hundred twenty-eight questions times nine stores view abbreviated excerpt only...

Discussion Questions

1. Shannon 's mom is a loose cannon. What personality trait of hers can you relate to and why/why not? Do you have any real-life examples of people who behave like Marie?

2. What do you think about the parallels between what happened to Declan’s mother and how he handles learning about Shannon’s allergy? Was he justified in pushing her away?

3. Who is the real alpha male father – James McCormick or Jason Jacoby?

4. Discuss the relationship between Shannon and her mother. Why do you think it is so difficult for Shannon to stand up to Marie?

5. Hypothetical: if you were Greg’s employee and had to choose between the Turdmobile, the Crabmobile, or the Viagra car, which would you choose, and why?

6. If this book were made into a movie, who do you envision as the actors and actresses for the parts?

7. What do you think about the various mystery shops the characters get involved in, do you think you could do that job in real life?

8. Shannon’s sense of self-worth grows throughout the book. How does being with Declan change how she views herself? Discuss some examples.

9. Chuckles is a cat, but he’s almost human (and a little evil). What was your reaction to him as a character?

10. Shannon is trying to really get over being dumped by her ex, who is a social climber. Once he realizes she’s dating Declan, he wants her back. Can you relate to men like Steve Raleigh? What makes us cheer for Shannon when she finally breaks free?

11. Could you see yourself being friends with Shannon if she was a real person?

12. Do men and women fall in love differently or is falling in love the same for both? How does this author show the main characters realize their love?

13. Conventional wisdom is that a happy relationship depends on similar backgrounds and values. Or do opposites really make the best life partners?

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